Is Paying the Mortgage the Man’s Responsibility? Girlfriend Moves In But Refuses to Help Out

woman saying no

Moving in together is a big step for any couple, but for one woman, it’s proving to be a financial headache. In a post on a popular online forum, the author, a 29-year-old woman, explained that her boyfriend, 33, had asked her to move in with him, but he wants her to contribute to his mortgage payments. She refused, causing tension in their relationship.

Moving In Together

woman saying no
Image Credit: Bricolage / Shutterstock.

According to the post, the woman and her boyfriend have been dating for three years. Her boyfriend owns a house and lives there by himself, while she has been living in her own apartment. They have discussed moving in together, but the woman has concerns about contributing to her boyfriend’s mortgage payments.

“I am refusing to pay any money that would go directly towards his mortgage,” she wrote. “I don’t have any stake in the house, why would I contribute to his mortgage payments? I’m ok helping with utilities, groceries, household items, etc. But paying his mortgage is a hard no from me.”

Her boyfriend argues that if she moves in with him and doesn’t contribute to the mortgage payments, she would essentially be living with him for free. He also believes that it would cause an uneven dynamic in their payments toward shared living expenses.

However, the woman believes she should not have to contribute to the mortgage because she would not benefit from paying it off if they broke up. She suggested that her boyfriend sign a contract with her stating that any money she pays towards his mortgage would be paid back to her in the event of a breakup. Her boyfriend refused to sign anything like that, saying she could break up with him for no reason and then take him to court for thousands of dollars.

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His Mortgage, His Responsibility

The post received a range of responses from fellow Reddit users, with some supporting the woman’s decision not to contribute to the mortgage payments and others taking her boyfriend’s side.

One user wrote, “You are not an investor in his property. You will never see that money again. His mortgage is his responsibility. You should pay your fair share of utilities and groceries, but that’s it.”

Another user commented, “It’s his house, so it’s his mortgage. I think it’s reasonable for him to ask for some financial contribution from you if you’re moving in together, but if you’re not comfortable with paying towards the mortgage, then don’t.”

Find a New Arrangement

Others suggested that the couple should consider other options, such as the woman paying rent to her boyfriend or the couple creating a joint bank account to pay for shared expenses.

Some even went as far as to suggest that the couple should not move in together if they cannot come to an agreement on this issue. One user commented, “if you’re not comfortable with this arrangement, then you need to find a new one where you can split things more evenly. If that means living in separate apartments for a while, so be it.”

The post has since gone viral, with over 5,000 upvotes and 1,000 comments. It has sparked a heated debate about the responsibilities of partners when it comes to living together and sharing expenses.

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Moving In Together Is More Than a Romantic Decision

In the end, the decision on whether or not to pay money towards the mortgage payments is one that the woman and her boyfriend will have to make together. While some Reddit users took her side and believed she should not be expected to pay, others believed her boyfriend’s request was reasonable.

As one user put it, “This is a conversation about boundaries, expectations, and communication, and it seems like there are some issues there that need to be addressed.”

In any case, the post serves as a reminder that moving in together is not just a romantic decision but a financial one, and it’s essential for couples to be clear about their expectations and responsibilities before taking that step.

This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Wealthy Nickel. You can read the original thread here.

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Andrew Herrig is a finance expert and money nerd and the founder of Wealthy Nickel, where he writes about personal finance, side hustles, and entrepreneurship. As an avid real estate investor and owner of multiple businesses, he has a passion for helping others build wealth and shares his own family’s journey on his blog.

Andrew holds a Masters of Science in Economics from the University of Texas at Dallas and a Bachelors of Science in Electrical Engineering from Texas A&M University. He has worked as a financial analyst and accountant in many aspects of the financial world.

Andrew’s expert financial advice has been featured on CNBC, Entrepreneur, Fox News, GOBankingRates, MSN, and more.

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